NOW PLAYING: DecIndep 2000

It's truly a sad thing to say, but the majority of people in country probably can't remember the last time they read the Declaration of Independence (if, indeed, they've ever read it at all!). They may not know of the history behind the Declaration of Independence. Perhaps this is because it's difficult for today's Government-school "educated" citizens to wade through the flowery 18th-century language of the original document. In the never-ending effort to help inform and enlighten the visitors to DANORAMA, and inspired by the similar 1921 endeavor of the great H.L. Mencken's The Declaration of Independence in American, we proudly present ...

The Declaration of Independence

Revised Version, July 4, 2000

Dude! When shit happens, ya gotta split. You can explain it if you want to, so we will.

Here's the deal:
A.) We're all the same -- just people, y'know?

2.) We got our rights -- like, to live and be happy and stuff.

D.) Nobody should boss us around, unless we okay it, right? And if somebody does boss us around and we don't like it, they're history. Then we'll set things up how we'd like it better.

We gotta chill a little and not toss the bastards out all the time if they just piss us off some, though, 'cuz that would mess things up too much.

But if the Gubmint keeps doin' stuff that we don't like and doesn't look like it's gonna quit it, it's time for some major changes.

That's how it is now, y'know? Ol' King George keeps screwin' us, like this:

• He won't make the laws we like.
   
• He won't let anybody else make the laws we like, neither.
   
• He says that if we want the laws, we can just butt out and he'll pass 'em if he wants to; or else we won't get 'em at all.
   
• He sets up the law makin' meetings way out in the boonies, so nobody will go and he can do what he wants then.
   
• He cans the meetin' if somebody says somethin' bad to him there.
   
• He won't let new folks come to the meetings, so nothin' gets done.
   
• He won't let new folks come into the country, even -- and even if some do get in, they can't like, get any land or a house or anything.
   
• He's screwed up the courts, and everything takes too long.
   
• He's got the judges in his pocket -- if they don't do what he says, he gives 'em the boot or else cuts their pay.
   
• He made all these new "Departments of This 'n' That," and his Gubmint stooges keep botherin' us and takin' our stuff.
   
• He's got all his Army Men hangin' out here, even though there's no war anyplace, and even if we don't want 'em around.
   
• He says the Army Men don't answer to nobody 'cept him, and they can do whatever they want to.
   
• He lets some other assholes make all the rules, like:
   
• Letting them off the hook for killin' somebody.
   
• Not letting us sell stuff to other countries.
   
• Taxing our butts off, even if we don't want to pay.
   
• Not givin' us a fair trial.
   
• Takin' us to some other country for a "trial" (yeah, right).
   
• Having Gubmint crap go on in the next country near us and then tryin' to take us over with it.
   
• Gettin' rid of the laws we had that we liked already.
   
• Booting our own guys out and telling us that they were the Law now.
   
• He says he's not gonna do any more for us and is gonna fight us instead.
   
• He sank our boats, torched the towns and made life hell. It bites.
   
• He's hired some foreign goons to do the rest of his dirty work now, the bastard.
   
• He makes the dudes he captured from our own boats fight against us or die.
   
• He's riled up the Injuns, and they'll kill anybody now -- men, women and kids even.
   

We kept tellin' George to cut it out, all nice-like and everything, but he just blew us off. He sucks, and we've had it.

Hell, we even tried to talk to the other Brits about it all:

• We were like, "Quit makin' those stupid laws! We don't like 'em!"
   
• We were like, "Look, man -- remember why we left, and why we're over here and not back over there with you guys and stuff?"
   
• We even were like, "Cut us some slack, dudes. Get George to lay off, or we ain't gonna be friends no more."
   

But the damned Limeys blew us off, too, so if they don't wanna help us, then we'll fight them, too. We don't care.

So, us guys are telling it like it is:

• That we're gonna be our own boss, and not listen to those damned Brits no more.
   
• And that means no more laws or nothin' from those Limey bastards.
   
• And that since we're our own boss, we can fight, stop fightin', make deals and buy and sell stuff with anybody.
   
• And whatever else we want, too. So there.

We hope to God that this works, or we're all dead meat.

(signatures)

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