| 50 above | New Yorkers try to turn on the heat.
Minnesotans plant gardens. |
| 40 above | Californians shiver uncontrollably.
Minnesotans sunbathe. |
| 35 above | Italian cars won't start.
Minnesotans drive with the windows down. |
| 32 above | Distilled water freezes.
St. Paul's water gets thicker. |
| 20 above | Floridians wear coats, gloves & wool hats.
Minnesotans throw on a T-shirt. |
| 15 above | Californians begin to evacuate the state.
Minnesotans go swimming. |
| Zero | New York landlords finally turn up the heat.
Minnesotans have the last cook-out before it gets cold. |
| 10 below | People in Miami cease to exist.
Minnesotans lick flagpoles. |
| 20 below | Californians fly away to Mexico.
Minnesotans throw on a light jacket. |
| 40 below | Hollywood disintegrates.
Minnesotans rent some videos. |
| 60 below | Mt. St. Helens freezes.
Minnesota Girl Scouts begin selling cookies door to door. |
| 80 below | Polar bears begin to evacuate Antarctica.
Minnesota Boy Scouts postpone "Winter Survival" classes until it gets cold. |
| 100 below | Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
Minnesotans pull down their ear flaps. |
| 173 below | Ethyl alcohol freezes.
Minnesotans get frustrated when they can't thaw the keg. |
| 297 below | Microbial life survives on dairy products.
Minnesota cows complain of farmers with cold hands. |
| 460 below | ALL atomic motion stops.
Minnesotans start saying "Cold 'nuff for ya?" |
| 500 below | Hell freezes over.
The Minnesota Vikings win the Super Bowl. |
