DANORAMA - Micro$oft Winders

How Things Would Be Different If Micro$oft Were Located In The South

Their number one product would be "Micro$oft Winders."

Instead of an hourglass icon you'd get an empty beer bottle.

Occasionally, you'd bring up a window that was covered with a Hefty bag and some duct tape.

Instead of "Yes," "No," or "Cancel," dialog boxes would give you the choice of "Aww-right," "Naw," or "Git."

Instead of "Ta-Dah!" the opening sound would be "Dueling Banjos."

The "Recycle Bin" in Winders98 would be an outhouse.

Whenever you pulled up the Sound Player, you'd hear "Freebird!"

Instead of "Start Me Up," the Winders95 theme song would be "Boot Scootin' Boogie".

Powerpoint would be named "ParPawnt."

Instead of "VP," Micro$oft big shots would be called "Cuz."

Hardware could be repaired using parts from an old Trans Am.

Daisy Duke screen saver.

"Well, the first thing you know old Bill's a billionaire..."

Flight Simulator replaced by Tractor-Pull Simulator.

Micro$oft CEO "Billy-Bob" (a.k.a. "Bubba") Gates.

"ParPawnt" would have a "Pond Scum" and a "Junk Yard" presentation template.

One wrong turn while surfing the web would send you face-to-face with a 12-gauge shotgun.

"This computer protected by Smith & Wesson" screen saver.

Directions to Corporate Headquarters -- "Down the road a piece."

Micro$oft Word includes a phonetic spell checker -- "Hookt on fonics werks 4 me."